Pop culture lies to us

Love is everywhere in our culture, in songs, books, cinema, television, in our sculptures or paintings, and we cannot deny it, it is a great source of inspiration. But do we always have to draw lessons from our fictions? What are the messages in art about love that should not be taken into account?

1-Love must always triumph:

Books and films make their love stories go through all kinds of trials at the end of which they emerge grown: Ethnic, religious differences, long distances, disagreeing families, protagonists already married to others... And it is systematic: Love triumphs, the film, or the book ending with a sumptuous wedding.

This moral, which holds love victorious against all odds, has had two harmful effects on our way of managing our love stories in real life:

• The more complicated it is, the more love deserves to be fought for.

• One must persevere while disregarding all logic.

Let me explain: We have all once wanted to make a holiday romance last. Not because we were a good match, but because the prospect of giving up a story was too painful. So we fought with skype, snapchat and even handwritten letters for the most romantic.

Unfortunately, this fling was based solely on the vibrant memories of fiery kisses and then two outcomes were possible:

• You met again and were instantly disappointed, since reality is less dazzling than your memories

• You broke up because far from sight, far from heart...

Why is this idea wrong? Because love is indeed a delightful feeling but it does not deserve sacrificing one's life, universe or lucidity. Some differences can certainly be overcome but others, on the contrary, have a direct link to our personality. They can therefore reveal a real incompatibility in the long run...

The real advice that we should give you: The love that works and lasts is a matter of character compatibility. And certain situations do not allow us to ensure this essential factor. Your family certainly has no say in decisions regarding your partner but it is not clever to persist in a destructive relationship to give ulcers to your elders. Similarly: NO, Sveltana, your love in Juan-les-Pins is not the woman of your life just because you kissed her by moonlight. If in real life she might still be listening to Tribal Kings...

2-Love is the strongest and most exhilarating feeling in the world

Have you noticed? The heroes of films and television series go through all kinds of adventures: Loss of loved ones, hostage situations, world to be saved, serious illnesses... But none of the turmoil they go through is more important and developed in the plot than the love story between the two main characters.

Likewise, the death of a character often makes me cry less than the end of a love story on small or big screen. Why? Because the romance of a film is crafted, cleverly staged and emphasized...

Why is this idea wrong? Because we do not all have the same priorities and motivations in life. Some will resonate more strongly with their job, which is their passion, or with their family ties, or with sports, or with their rock painting class. And it is not the place of an overrated soap opera to explain to us what should be the most important thing in our lives.

Unfortunately, the number of singles is increasing and society insinuates through these means of expression that as long as we have not found love, we are missing out on life. And single people are, implicitly, marginalized, looked at more and more suspiciously over the years... Finally, romantic comedies, to make their stories more sparkling, easily skip over the less glamorous aspects of a love story. Like arguments around the mother-in-law, the boring Saturday night missionary positions or the accidental farts under the blankets. In short, everything that makes up a couple without cameras. And yet an authentic relationship must surpass these unmagical moments. I can't imagine Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant strolling hand in hand to the corner store to buy toilet paper. And yet, in real life, nobody escapes that.

The real advice that we should give you: Love is a wonderful feeling, of course, but it will have the place that YOU give it in your life. And if the couple and lifelong love do not conform to your personality or your aspirations, do not feel guilty and focus on what really makes you tick. Especially since love is not always a video set to pop music with cute or sexy scenes...

Furthermore, the woman you meet and with whom you will build your life will be real, with her qualities, her flaws and her little intestinal problems. And sometimes, she will make you want to throw her out the window. And sometimes, you will be absorbed by other more important things at the moment. That's how it is.

This overestimation of love, these ever more spectacular stagings have, moreover, caused another perverse effect...

3-The meeting necessarily happens in exceptional situations.

Hollywood films inundate us with quirky and romantic encounters that are classy and make little children's eyes sparkle when you tell them about it. There are even clever ones who have built nine seasons around the ultimate meeting of the love of one's life...

Why is this idea wrong? Because everyone has the opportunity to meet the love of our life, but few of us have the possibility of frequenting hip parties or going jogging in Central Park. Worse: this false idea is counterproductive and can even prevent you from recognizing a woman who suits you if you meet her in circumstances that do not make you dream.

One day, I was having lunch with my buddy Jérôme when he said to me:

— No but the internet is obviously for fun... Can you imagine having to tell your meeting story?